Last week someone asked me how I felt concerning my burnout. They told me to rate it from 0 to 100, with 100 being completely recovered. I told him I felt I was at about 85% and the feeling that this episode in my life is now becoming something that is behind me.
I am on the healing track, but why? I’m writing this post to help ne reflect on that question.
First, and I hope this goes without saying, that Jesus Christ is the orchestrator of events behind all the pieces of the puzzle that is putting me back together. Secondly, I love it when a plan (God’s plan) comes together! (Sorry A-Team fan!)
First of all, when the cards came crashing down there were people that listened to me ad nauseam, and they were a sounding board. I had some issues to work out. I needed to renew my understanding of myself. I needed to someone to give me accurate feedback to my thinking. The elders and the staff have been great on this issue. They have been incredible listening boards to me. They have been challenging, affectionate, and incredibly supportive. I especially want to thank Lisa, who whisked me of to a mountain Sabbath getaway. I didn’t realize how much I needed that time, and how much I needed to be just with her. She’s great!
Secondly, I think waiting on the Lord has paid off huge dividends in my healing process. I didn’t rush things and I didn’t even really pray for God to heal me. I just prayed for God to give me a new understanding of him, to experience him in a new way. He has answered that prayer and His answer is bringing me back.
God has given me a renewed passion just for Him and Him alone. I have become in awe of Him. I no longer look at God as my sin forgiver, healer, protector, or wealth giver. I simply look at God as God, and when you do that, you discover that He is someone to be held in severe awe. I have to confess that God is healing me by being simply existing in my life. He hasn’t done anything new, He hasn’t answered any questions I have, and I haven’t seen any incredible miracles either. Just his presence has brought me strength. I now understand when the Psalmist says that GOD is a spring of living water.
Oh, how I wish for you that are struggling in your marriage, in your life, with emotional scars, that you could simply open up your soul to the presence of God and allow that fear of God to heal! The problems may not go away, but you will be whole! Not all of my problems that I’ve dealt with have gone away, but God has done a new work in me anyway! My heart is being renewed. Perhaps that is part of the answer about the pain we experience of life. God is trying to wean us away from depending on the what he has done and start living in Him.
Thirdly, writing on this blog about my struggle has been very helpful. It has forced me to to be honest about the issues I’m facing. One other development from this struggle is to learn how to minister from my weakness and writing in this blog is helping me do that.
I’m excited about my ministry at Celebration and believe God has me right where I should be. I’ve gone from being emotionally shut down to having a renewed spirit within me. I’m not all the way there yet, but I am on the right track.