Getting Honest

Some of you already know that I have gone through a private struggle this fall. On a personal level, it has been one of the hardest times in my ministry. I encountered what a lot of people in helping professions experience, burnout. In September I found myself not really caring about people anymore, and I didn’t like that, but I had to be honest about my feelings. Something was not right. God has taking me on new journey ever since.

What is burnout? It is not stressed out. It is not the feeling you get from working long hours, or from someone criticizing you, or being overloaded with things to do and not enough time to do them. Burnout is being emotionally wounded. It is being emotionally blunted. You just don’t feel anymore because you have been hurt.

As a result, the last couple of months have been an uneven journey with God. Lisa, the leadership, and some good mentors have been helping a lot in sorting this problem out. Somehow, I need to heal from this invisible wound.

I’ve decided to take the healing process slow. I don’t desire to rush God’s process of bringing me through this issue. I want to allow Good to do a real work within me. I want him to renew my mind. I want to be able to give God the glory for the victory over this injury.

So far, I see God leading me two parallel directions:

1. I need to learn how to lean more on the Holy Spirit in my ministry. For me, this simply means patience. When doing ministry I have learned that I would react with quickness. I just wanted everything to get better quick. This burnout has taught me that healing doesn’t happen quickly. I have learned that broken people do not mend quickly. So, I need to keep in step with the Spirit as I pursue the goals God has given me for me and this church. That means I move at the speed of God, and not the speed of Kirk.

2. I need to learn how to work / minister from my weakness. This is why I decided to write about my burnout on the blog. My prayer is that in sharing this “weakness” that God’s glory will be shown. I also am writing this in my blog in an attempt to figure out how to minister from my weakness. And I hope this will help bring healing as I learn how let God’s glory to shine in my weakness. I have to admit, this is scary for me to post this because it makes me feel vulnerable, but it’s in this weakness I ask God to work mightily.

I’ll leave you with this verse from Paul: {God} said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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One thought on “Getting Honest

  1. Kirk,
    Thank you for sharing… I know it could not have been easy for you to do so. It means a lot to me that you did….I will be praying for you and for healing.
    Gig

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